Yet again, I’m attempting to blog. I feel this strong need to put my thoughts to keyboard. It’s a tumultuous time for me – and many other of course – and I feel lost a lot of the time and overwhelmed all of the time.

I get what follows here could stop anyone who might want to hire me in their tracks; however I also think if this is what I should do with my thoughts, it could open doors. Who knows!

Since October last year I have had one freelance gig by way of an income source although I have applied for about 60 roles – FTC and permanent.

Keeping the faith that things will work out is hard – I’m not gonna lie. Being diagnosed with ADHD recently has been even harder. I think eventually it will be helpful as I start to make sense of myself and my neurological kinks or quirks; but right now it is overwhelming and quite lonely. I feel very sad too that the difficulties I faced in many areas of my life as a result of ADHD were seen as me being troublesome, inflexible, unreasonable and whatever else I was told over the years.

I have to say the only thing I knew (or thought I knew) about ADHD brought forward images of hyperactive schoolboys. The reality, particularly for women is very different. It’s no surprise I knew so little – The National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) in the UK only formally recognized ADHD in adults for the first time in 2008. I find that so hard to believe. On top of that, ADHD is typically under diagnosed on females – most of the research has been done on males. What a surprise. 

No surprise either that people are dismissive of the condition. I’ve been really shocked by this and Wes Streeting’s careless comments on over-diagnosis of mental health conditions will only perpetuate the scepticism. For me ADHD presents itself by way of impulsiveness, inattention, low tolerance for frustration, a head full of disparate thoughts and constantly losing stuff amongst other things. Pre-diagnosis I was convinced these were all my fault and tried so hard to be different.

So why are so many females being diagnosed in late 40s? My hypothesis is that when dopamine is depleted with the peri-menopausal drop of estrogen, those with ADHD who have lower levels of dopamine to begin with, can’t sustain the double hit and the masking that many of us will have done so effectively is no longer possible.

Finding out I have ADHD at a time when the job market is so slow and I have been forced to take time off has been a bit of blessing to be fair. It has also made me question everything I do to earn a living and opened up new ways of thinking about that that will look like going forward. It’s very confusing and I just need to keep on educating myself.

Apparently there are superpowers associated with the neurodevelopmental condition. I’m yet to identify them but it’s so early in this journey I’m hopeful I will.